Always thankful. Always grateful.

Today is Thanksgiving, and today marks my third consecutive Thanksgiving away from home. Two years ago I was working in Lubbock. One year ago, I was in Taipei. And today? Today I am still in Taipei.

Taiwan. How did this happen? Who would have thought I would last this long? My heart is happy.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful — more thankful than before, really.

I’m thankful for opportunities that sometimes I don’t think I deserve. But they’re in front of me nonetheless, and for that, I’m grateful.

I am thankful, as always, for my loving and supportive, kind and beautiful, funny and interesting, amazing parents and sister. I don’t know what I would have done without them this year. When I needed them, they were there, offering me advice and love, even from halfway around the world. I haven’t seen them in so long (my sister in more than a year and a half) but I think we may have a better relationship than ever.

A few years ago, my life beyond college graduation was foggy and uncertain. I had no idea what to do. I had no idea where to go or who to be. For lack of a better plan, I moved to Boston. When I came back, I still had no idea what to do, but one thing was clear: I needed to leave. I needed space to take a step back and look at my options from a clearer perspective.

And although today I still have very little idea what I’ll do when I “grow up,” I’m thankful that day by day the road gets less foggy. These days my decisions are made with a little clearer head, with a mentality that asks, “how will I feel about this in 6 months or a year?” rather than “this is best for me RIGHT NOW.” Every day I’m in Taipei it’s obvious that staying here was the right decision. (I pray that I don’t eat those words in three months, but who knows.)

And so, this year, I am thankful that I can make decisions. I am so thankful for faith. For knowing when to make the right decision. For realizing when I’m in the right place, at the right time.

I’m thankful for clarity. This year, I don’t know why, I have started the slow process of understanding how precious this life is. We’re here for so short a time, it’s important to make what we do count. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a lawyer, I’m not an award-winning scientist. However, I’m doing something these days that makes me happy. I believe I’m on a path toward something great. Something better. That thought sustains me.

I’m thankful that one year ago I took a chance and left the United States. If I had never done that, if I had stayed in the United States…oh. I can’t bear to think who I would be or what I would be like.

There have been so many days recently where I’ve walked down the street in a daze, breathing thanks, in awe of the place that I’ve landed for now. I am a blessed and lucky girl.

Overall? Overall, I’m thankful for my life: for the moments that fill my life here — both the extraordinary and the mundane. Because there are a lot of those moments these days. My life is full.

And I am so grateful for that fact.

So thank you.

Still in Taipei.

This announcement is coming about two months too late, but better late than never, right?

Four months ago I wrote that come August I was leaving Taiwan to backpack southeast Asia with a friend. However, as August drew closer and closer, I realized with the utmost certainty that I wasn’t ready to leave Taipei. It was going to break my heart. I felt as though there were still some things I needed to take care of here. First and foremost: studying Mandarin.

Even though I hated to do it, I pulled out of my backpacking trip. It was tough to let go of that dream of traveling Asia, living the life of a beach bum and exploring new and vibrant cities. But as soon as I did so, I felt peaceful, like a weight had lifted. I felt good deciding to stay somewhere, for perhaps the first time in my life.

But Taipei? Oh, Taipei. There is something about this city, this country, that has captured my heart and my attention. I have never experienced this level of peace anywhere. Maybe it’s the people, the endless smiles, the constant calls of “yuanying guanling” anytime I enter an establishment. Or the amount of drink choices at 7-11. Or the never-ending supply of fresh, delicious, exotic fruits and vegetables. Because, oh my god, the FRUIT. Maybe it’s the fact I’ve found my places: the place I run at night, my night market, my local friends, my fruit stand, my always-changing neighborhood. It’s the temples, the worship, the colors interwoven with the gray skies. It’s how Taipei 101 is lit up at night, and maybe even the way I almost always get hit by those blue trucks. It’s the markets and the energy and the scooters and the way families seem to love being together.

I’ve settled in here. I’ve made my own little family, a community, at the hostel. I’m happy. It tore at my heart to think of leaving this city after only a year. Why would I leave a place like this?

So since my decision to stay, I enrolled at the Chinese Culture University, the school of continuing education. Two weeks ago I started studying Mandarin.

I know. About time, right?

Studying so far is incredible. I loved this place before, but the language barrier made things difficult. But now, a whole new world is opening up for me. Now instead of looking at the characters and seeing only a meaningless scribble, something is starting to take shape. I can look at some characters and a word pops into my head. Not a lot, but some. And that delight in understanding is the best motivation to continue studying. Part of me regrets not studying mandarin sooner, but I’m so happy to be doing it now that I can’t get too upset.

So there it is. For the foreseeable future, I’ll be in Taipei. At the moment, I’m not teaching, but I’ll figure out a new job eventually. This time, I’m not going to end the post with a prediction on where I’ll be three months from now. That never seems to turn out how I think it will.

What is there to say?

My weekend overview: Friday night card games, ring of death, Taiwan beer, good friends, no sleep, music, photographs, laughing until I cry, hugs, acting a fool, dancing, teaching, reading, trains, work, beach, sand, swimming, getting knocked about by waves, deep talks, horror movies, jokes, kisses, pizza, group grocery excursions, laundry, walla-walla moose, singing.

The consensus? Quite possibly the best weekend I’ve had in Taiwan. Maybe one of the best weekends I’ve had since I went abroad.

And par for the course, lately.

With just a little under three months left in this country, life has been moving forward at a breakneck pace. It has been so busy that there has been little to no time to keep up with family and friends. (Sorry about that, everyone).

But in the last two and a half months, I’ve done some awesome things.

I went to the beach three times.

Fulong 🙂

🙂

I spent far too many nights dancing until nearly dawn.

I saw LMFAO in concert.

Party rockin’.

I visited the Taipei Zoo.

Wo ai elephants.

I said goodbye to one of my favorite yo-yo babies.

My “monkey,” Stanley.

Silly face.

All in all, the last two months have been nothing short of amazing. I nearly lost it every single day in May, what with having to practice with my kindy class for a Mother’s Day performance. But I got past it, and more importantly, my kiddos rocked it.

I can’t quite believe that June, my birthday month, is HERE. My departure date (August 28) is rapidly approaching. Quite honestly, my heart is hurting at the thought of leaving.

I work a lot. I get frustrated about that, and a lot of the time it puts me in a bad mood because I’m so tired. But my days are full. They are full of laughter, hugs, friends, new sights, joy, wonder. I didn’t have that at my job in the States. I plodded through each day, always looking ahead to when I would be finished and on my way to something new.

I’m not doing that now. I’m happy here — more than happy most days. I have so many moments of “I live here. I live here.” Rather than urging the days to pass by, I’m holding on tightly, hoping they quit slipping by so quickly. I’m making memories, letting go and living more fully.

Leaving will be hard, and it will hurt. It will hurt a lot. There’s things I don’t want to give up yet.

But once again, I will be starting a new adventure: Backpacking. I don’t know where my friend and I are going yet, I don’t know where we will end up. But it will be a grand adventure, and I look forward to it.

I still have two months and 25 days left. And there’s so much I have to look forward to: bungee jumping, my birthday, trips to the South, my best friend visiting. It will be a busy time, and I’m ready to welcome it with everything that I have. If this weekend is any indication, this summer will be the best yet.

I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. That’s all I wanted out of this experience.

Bully Movie

This is gorgeous. We can all do something.

“A Story for Tomorrow”

This video is one of the most inspiring things I’ve seen in a LONG time. Enjoy.

I love this because it makes my throat tighten up. I love this because it reminds me again of all the places I want to see, all the things I want to experience. South America is somewhere I’ve dreamed of visiting and this video just really sums it up for me.

“What’s wrong with you guys today?” “We’re just happy, Teacher Katie!”

I did some math today: I figured out how many weeks I’ve spent abroad so far.

The answer? 30.

I’ve been abroad for 30 consecutive weeks. That number astounds me. That’s more than half a year — and the longest I’ve ever been away from home. On the one hand, it feels as though just yesterday I flew out of Texas, across the Atlantic and landed myself in fairy-tale Prague. Just yesterday that I said goodbye to my friends and family.

But on the other hand? On the other hand so much has happened in those 30 weeks. Things that have changed me, stretched me, hurt me, scared me, taught me, and most importantly, things that have made me truly, unbelievably, simply happy. Things that have shown me how important it is to take a chance, or, in Lily Aldrin’s words, to take the leap.

I’ve spent those 30 weeks dancing in multiple clubs, hiking mountains, riding bikes, watching movies, teaching and getting to know some amazing, wonderful kids, exploring night markets and generally trying most foods Taiwan has to offer. I’ve even become a fan of stinky tofu. I’ve been immersed in foreign languages and a new culture, learned how to carry myself in a way that suggests I know what I’m doing and been stared and pointed at like a freak in a circus. I’ve had good days, great days and horrible days, and gotten through them all.

And tomorrow? I leave for a visit in Texas:  hot, blustery, windy, friendly, stubborn, wonderful, dry Texas. My HOME.

To say I’m excited would be an understatement.

I can’t believe it’s already time for me to go home. When I left in August I genuinely had no idea when I’d be back in Texas. I told myself at most I’d be gone two months: That if Prague and teaching didn’t pan out how I wanted I could always come home.

I’m laughing at myself now: I was so terrified at the thought of leaving home that I could barely sleep at night last summer. If only I knew…if only I knew how wonderfully it was going to turn out. Luckily, the adventure isn’t over just yet. I hope I’m living up to all that potential I wrote about. I’m trying — that I know for sure.

Good ol' Midland.

Home 🙂

I want to see my parents, stuff myself silly with Mexican food and my mom’s cooking (and Goldfish), snuggle with my cat, and see my friends. I want to see my grandparents, and tell them just how much I missed them.

I want to drive my car down the highway, windows down, country music blasting, with the hot air rushing in. I want to be able to read signs and ask questions without struggling to communicate. I want a break from feeling like a giant with blond, curly hair.

I can’t wait. I wonder what will be different and what will be the same. I wonder how much I will have changed.

It feels good to leave Taipei for a few weeks the way I am: on a high note. Yes, I’m thrilled to go home, but also, I’m not aching with homesickness. If anything, I’ve grown so comfortable and fallen so hard for Taipei that I think I could stick it out longer: a few more weeks, months — who knows?

The point is: I’m excited to go home. But I’ll also be excited to get back to lovely Taipei. I’ll miss the food: the chung yo bing, the dan bing, the teas, the fresh fruits, the veggies the dumplings, noodles, tofu and more. I’ll miss not knowing what I’m eating 95% percent of the time.

I want to come back to a place that challenges me, thrills me, charms me, scares me (sometimes), irritates me and most definitely never bores me. I’ll miss the adventure.

Taipei: Why can't you be this pretty ALL the time??

I said goodbye to my favorite class yesterday: my level 6 class. I won’t teach them for three Saturdays in a row, and that genuinely makes me sad. I love them. Wednesday was particularly fun. They were crazy, crazy, crazy. I asked them, “What’s wrong with you guys today?” They all burst out laughing as though I’d said the funniest thing in the world, then one kid said, “We’re just happy today, Teacher Katie!”

As am I. Well said, Isan. I couldn’t very well get mad at them for being crazy then, could I? 🙂 I gave it up and we had a crazy day. And I wouldn’t give that up for anything.

We took pictures at the end of class, and those photos just make my heart smile. They’re all grabbing at me and laughing and having fun. It’s a good memory. A few of the girls wrote me notes that they would miss me — gold, right there. I love it.

I adore these kids.

When I left they kept telling me, “Teacher, I’ll miss you!” That made me feel so happy.

It’s like when I walk into my yo-yo class every day: Those frustrating and amazing babies start yelling “Teacher Katie! Teacher Katie!” over and over, at the top of their lungs. Then it’s a race over to get big hugs from me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nearly been knocked over because toddlers are hugging me around the legs. And yelling my name. And hitting my butt. Or trying to tickle me. And jostling for high-fives. And even, at times, saying “I love you, Teacher Katie!”

It’s the best feeling in the world, that. It makes me feel like I’ve done something good, like I’ve done something that makes me mean something to those kids. I don’t want them to forget me — and I know I’ll never forget them.

And I hope I do mean something to them — because at this point, all my students mean so much to me.

So what’s wrong with me today? I’m just happy. Life is good, and I’m going to see my family soon. I can’t wait.

There will be other lives.

This is too pretty not too share.

“There will be other lives. There will be other lives for nervous boys with sweaty palms, for bittersweet fumbling in the backseats of cars, for caps and gowns in royal blue and crimson, for mothers clasping pretty pearl necklaces around daughters’ unlined necks, for your full name read aloud in an auditorium, for brand-new suitcases transporting you to strange new people in strange new lands. And there will be other lives for unpaid debts, for one-night stands, for Prague and Paris, for painful shoes with pointy toes, for indecision and revisions. And there will be other lives for fathers walking daughters down aisles. And there will be other lives for sweet babies with skin like milk. And there will be other lives for a man you don’t recognize, for a face in a mirror that is no longer yours, for the funerals of intimates, for shrinking, for teeth that fall out, for hair on your chin, for forgetting everything. Everything. Oh, there are so many lives. How we wish we could live them concurrently instead of one by one by one. We could select the best pieces of each, stringing them together like a strand of pearls. But that’s not how it works. A human’s life is a beautiful mess.”

–Gabrielle Zevin

Taipei: Get low.

I’ve written so much lately about how wonderful Taipei is.

But I’ve always known there inevitably are, and will be, lows in my life here, also.

 And today is one of those days.

Today is one of those days where I wonder what I’m doing in Taiwan. Why the hell am I here?

It’s overwhelming a lot of the time. I broke down on the phone with my mom yesterday, because no matter how much I love this place, it’s completely overwhelming.

It’s overwhelming being the minority. Don’t get me wrong — I love it. But come on.

It’s overwhelming not knowing a language. It’s hard not being able to read any signs around the city or understand little to nothing of the announcements on public transportation.

It’s rough hearing my name tossed in and around conversations and knowing I’m being talked about right in front of me but not knowing what’s being said.

It’s hard trying to connect with kids who speak a completely different language than my own — and are still learning their own.

It sucks feeling as though sometimes I’m still not doing enough with my life — that even though I’m here and I’m living and working abroad, I’m still lagging behind people. It’s not a fun feeling — one I despise.

Sometimes I hate the fact I have literally no personal space: There’s no space when I’m commuting, there’s no space when I’m working, there’s no space at my home. I used to be a person who didn’t like to hug. And now? Now I’m pretty much OK with being squashed up against a perfect stranger during a ride on the MRT. And I let my kindy kiddos cuddle me like there’s no tomorrow.

Sometimes I hate the feeling of being constantly stared at. Sometimes I just want to BLEND IN. And I can’t do that here. It’s not possible.

I love my students, and I love teaching, but today was a day where enough was enough. I can’t handle many days like today. I can’t handle constantly being made to feel like the foreigner in the room — which I know isn’t fair, because  I am the foreigner in the room.

I guess I better get used to it.

Let me just say: I love my students, I love my life here. I love my friends. I love my living situation. I love this city. I love learning from anything and everything around me.

But I would have given my left arm to be in my old life for a day today.

That’s just me being honest. Fair’s fair.

Six months in, and it’s still sweet.

I left home six months ago today.

I remember that day: hugging my mom and sister goodbye repeatedly, craning my neck to get my last glimpse of my hometown for who knows how long. Struggling not to cry on the way to Dallas because I really didn’t want my dad to see. I remember not being able to sleep that night, kept awake by nerves and honestly, terror. I had no idea what to expect, or what would happen. If I only I knew then just how good it would be.

And then the next day, August 5, I hugged my dad for a long time, swallowed my reservations and fears as best I could and hopped on a plane out of the country for the first time. Destination: Prague.

And thus my life changed for the better.

When I started planning to take this TEFL course back in June 2010, I could never have predicted it would have unfolded the way it has. I was naively ready to stay in Prague and go from there.

Funny how things work out, really.

And yet, like I said in my New Year’s Eve post, I wouldn’t change one single thing. I’ve fallen hard for Asia, with all its quirks and craziness and loveliness and crowds and smells.

The last six months have been a beautiful, messy, crazy, exhilarating whirlwind: new sights, new sounds, new tastes, new smells, new people, new experiences, and most importantly, new friends.

There have been days when I couldn’t stop crying from homesickness. There have been days where teaching was awful and I wondered what I’d signed up for. There have been days where all I wanted was to catch the next flight out of Taipei and go back home to everything familiar.  And my cat.

But then I walk into my classes to shouts of “Hi, Teacher Katie!” Or I nearly get bowled over by my yo-yo kiddos when I walk in the room. Or I sample something simultaneously questionable and absolutely delicious at the night market. And then I see the mountains from my daily commute. Those beautiful mountains.

So the good days? Hands down, they have outweighed the bad. No question about it. When it’s good, it’s good.

Being abroad for six months is a major milestone for me. I’ve never been away from home this long, and part of me, after my Boston debacle, wanted simply to prove that I could do it–that I could leave home and settle somewhere else in this world other than Texas.

I also wanted something else: peace. When I was working in Lubbock, I just felt so unsettled. I knew, deep down, that for me, I wasn’t doing enough. Work was a challenge at times, but life outside of work? Same old, same old.

That’s why I did TEFL. I guess I was looking for something different. I knew I wanted to travel and I knew I wanted to live in a foreign country.  I’m not sure if what I’ve found in Taipei is peace, but it’s definitely something. It’s a challenge, every single day — both my work life and my life outside of work.

What I wanted most was to feel as though I was actually living, actually doing something good and semi-interesting with my life, instead of signing up for a lifetime of the 9-5.

I got that.

So I’ve reached  my six month marker.  It hasn’t been perfect and it definitely hasn’t been what I expected.

But I got everything I wanted so far and my heart is light right now.

So people, just let go and live a little, already. You’ll be amply rewarded for it.

Do something unexpected.

A week to remember. Happy Chinese New Year!

The past week has left a constant refrain on my mind.

“Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Thank you that, after a year of dreaming and researching and wishing and hoping, I was able to experience this.

Painting my lantern 🙂

And see all of this.

Thank you that I live so close to this — in such a gorgeous, amazing, confusing country.

I’m not sure who I’m thanking constantly. But I just am so very, very grateful right now.

Last week was Chinese New Year. I didn’t have work, and I wasn’t sure what I would do. I wanted to play tourist in Taipei though — and did I ever.

Words don’t do my experience justice — there’s no way to describe it. But here’s a few things:

I scootered around the mountains. I drank tea at the top of a mountain overlooking Taipei. I met some amazing new people. I went to a magnificent, beautiful lantern festival. I got hand-picked out of a crowd of hundreds with my friends to participate in the release. I experienced new, delicious foods. I went to the ocean.

It was beyond amazing — the entire week. I love this country. I love this time in my life.