Always thankful. Always grateful.

Today is Thanksgiving, and today marks my third consecutive Thanksgiving away from home. Two years ago I was working in Lubbock. One year ago, I was in Taipei. And today? Today I am still in Taipei.

Taiwan. How did this happen? Who would have thought I would last this long? My heart is happy.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful — more thankful than before, really.

I’m thankful for opportunities that sometimes I don’t think I deserve. But they’re in front of me nonetheless, and for that, I’m grateful.

I am thankful, as always, for my loving and supportive, kind and beautiful, funny and interesting, amazing parents and sister. I don’t know what I would have done without them this year. When I needed them, they were there, offering me advice and love, even from halfway around the world. I haven’t seen them in so long (my sister in more than a year and a half) but I think we may have a better relationship than ever.

A few years ago, my life beyond college graduation was foggy and uncertain. I had no idea what to do. I had no idea where to go or who to be. For lack of a better plan, I moved to Boston. When I came back, I still had no idea what to do, but one thing was clear: I needed to leave. I needed space to take a step back and look at my options from a clearer perspective.

And although today I still have very little idea what I’ll do when I “grow up,” I’m thankful that day by day the road gets less foggy. These days my decisions are made with a little clearer head, with a mentality that asks, “how will I feel about this in 6 months or a year?” rather than “this is best for me RIGHT NOW.” Every day I’m in Taipei it’s obvious that staying here was the right decision. (I pray that I don’t eat those words in three months, but who knows.)

And so, this year, I am thankful that I can make decisions. I am so thankful for faith. For knowing when to make the right decision. For realizing when I’m in the right place, at the right time.

I’m thankful for clarity. This year, I don’t know why, I have started the slow process of understanding how precious this life is. We’re here for so short a time, it’s important to make what we do count. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a lawyer, I’m not an award-winning scientist. However, I’m doing something these days that makes me happy. I believe I’m on a path toward something great. Something better. That thought sustains me.

I’m thankful that one year ago I took a chance and left the United States. If I had never done that, if I had stayed in the United States…oh. I can’t bear to think who I would be or what I would be like.

There have been so many days recently where I’ve walked down the street in a daze, breathing thanks, in awe of the place that I’ve landed for now. I am a blessed and lucky girl.

Overall? Overall, I’m thankful for my life: for the moments that fill my life here — both the extraordinary and the mundane. Because there are a lot of those moments these days. My life is full.

And I am so grateful for that fact.

So thank you.

What is there to say?

My weekend overview: Friday night card games, ring of death, Taiwan beer, good friends, no sleep, music, photographs, laughing until I cry, hugs, acting a fool, dancing, teaching, reading, trains, work, beach, sand, swimming, getting knocked about by waves, deep talks, horror movies, jokes, kisses, pizza, group grocery excursions, laundry, walla-walla moose, singing.

The consensus? Quite possibly the best weekend I’ve had in Taiwan. Maybe one of the best weekends I’ve had since I went abroad.

And par for the course, lately.

With just a little under three months left in this country, life has been moving forward at a breakneck pace. It has been so busy that there has been little to no time to keep up with family and friends. (Sorry about that, everyone).

But in the last two and a half months, I’ve done some awesome things.

I went to the beach three times.

Fulong 🙂

🙂

I spent far too many nights dancing until nearly dawn.

I saw LMFAO in concert.

Party rockin’.

I visited the Taipei Zoo.

Wo ai elephants.

I said goodbye to one of my favorite yo-yo babies.

My “monkey,” Stanley.

Silly face.

All in all, the last two months have been nothing short of amazing. I nearly lost it every single day in May, what with having to practice with my kindy class for a Mother’s Day performance. But I got past it, and more importantly, my kiddos rocked it.

I can’t quite believe that June, my birthday month, is HERE. My departure date (August 28) is rapidly approaching. Quite honestly, my heart is hurting at the thought of leaving.

I work a lot. I get frustrated about that, and a lot of the time it puts me in a bad mood because I’m so tired. But my days are full. They are full of laughter, hugs, friends, new sights, joy, wonder. I didn’t have that at my job in the States. I plodded through each day, always looking ahead to when I would be finished and on my way to something new.

I’m not doing that now. I’m happy here — more than happy most days. I have so many moments of “I live here. I live here.” Rather than urging the days to pass by, I’m holding on tightly, hoping they quit slipping by so quickly. I’m making memories, letting go and living more fully.

Leaving will be hard, and it will hurt. It will hurt a lot. There’s things I don’t want to give up yet.

But once again, I will be starting a new adventure: Backpacking. I don’t know where my friend and I are going yet, I don’t know where we will end up. But it will be a grand adventure, and I look forward to it.

I still have two months and 25 days left. And there’s so much I have to look forward to: bungee jumping, my birthday, trips to the South, my best friend visiting. It will be a busy time, and I’m ready to welcome it with everything that I have. If this weekend is any indication, this summer will be the best yet.

I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. That’s all I wanted out of this experience.

There will be other lives.

This is too pretty not too share.

“There will be other lives. There will be other lives for nervous boys with sweaty palms, for bittersweet fumbling in the backseats of cars, for caps and gowns in royal blue and crimson, for mothers clasping pretty pearl necklaces around daughters’ unlined necks, for your full name read aloud in an auditorium, for brand-new suitcases transporting you to strange new people in strange new lands. And there will be other lives for unpaid debts, for one-night stands, for Prague and Paris, for painful shoes with pointy toes, for indecision and revisions. And there will be other lives for fathers walking daughters down aisles. And there will be other lives for sweet babies with skin like milk. And there will be other lives for a man you don’t recognize, for a face in a mirror that is no longer yours, for the funerals of intimates, for shrinking, for teeth that fall out, for hair on your chin, for forgetting everything. Everything. Oh, there are so many lives. How we wish we could live them concurrently instead of one by one by one. We could select the best pieces of each, stringing them together like a strand of pearls. But that’s not how it works. A human’s life is a beautiful mess.”

–Gabrielle Zevin

Taipei: Get low.

I’ve written so much lately about how wonderful Taipei is.

But I’ve always known there inevitably are, and will be, lows in my life here, also.

 And today is one of those days.

Today is one of those days where I wonder what I’m doing in Taiwan. Why the hell am I here?

It’s overwhelming a lot of the time. I broke down on the phone with my mom yesterday, because no matter how much I love this place, it’s completely overwhelming.

It’s overwhelming being the minority. Don’t get me wrong — I love it. But come on.

It’s overwhelming not knowing a language. It’s hard not being able to read any signs around the city or understand little to nothing of the announcements on public transportation.

It’s rough hearing my name tossed in and around conversations and knowing I’m being talked about right in front of me but not knowing what’s being said.

It’s hard trying to connect with kids who speak a completely different language than my own — and are still learning their own.

It sucks feeling as though sometimes I’m still not doing enough with my life — that even though I’m here and I’m living and working abroad, I’m still lagging behind people. It’s not a fun feeling — one I despise.

Sometimes I hate the fact I have literally no personal space: There’s no space when I’m commuting, there’s no space when I’m working, there’s no space at my home. I used to be a person who didn’t like to hug. And now? Now I’m pretty much OK with being squashed up against a perfect stranger during a ride on the MRT. And I let my kindy kiddos cuddle me like there’s no tomorrow.

Sometimes I hate the feeling of being constantly stared at. Sometimes I just want to BLEND IN. And I can’t do that here. It’s not possible.

I love my students, and I love teaching, but today was a day where enough was enough. I can’t handle many days like today. I can’t handle constantly being made to feel like the foreigner in the room — which I know isn’t fair, because  I am the foreigner in the room.

I guess I better get used to it.

Let me just say: I love my students, I love my life here. I love my friends. I love my living situation. I love this city. I love learning from anything and everything around me.

But I would have given my left arm to be in my old life for a day today.

That’s just me being honest. Fair’s fair.

A week to remember. Happy Chinese New Year!

The past week has left a constant refrain on my mind.

“Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Thank you that, after a year of dreaming and researching and wishing and hoping, I was able to experience this.

Painting my lantern 🙂

And see all of this.

Thank you that I live so close to this — in such a gorgeous, amazing, confusing country.

I’m not sure who I’m thanking constantly. But I just am so very, very grateful right now.

Last week was Chinese New Year. I didn’t have work, and I wasn’t sure what I would do. I wanted to play tourist in Taipei though — and did I ever.

Words don’t do my experience justice — there’s no way to describe it. But here’s a few things:

I scootered around the mountains. I drank tea at the top of a mountain overlooking Taipei. I met some amazing new people. I went to a magnificent, beautiful lantern festival. I got hand-picked out of a crowd of hundreds with my friends to participate in the release. I experienced new, delicious foods. I went to the ocean.

It was beyond amazing — the entire week. I love this country. I love this time in my life.

Christmas in Taiwan.

If you had told me a year ago I’d be spending Christmas 2011 in Asia, I might have laughed in your face. My plan was completely different: I’d be in Prague for the holidays, wander around the Christmas markets at night, and ring in the new year somewhere in Europe.

Joke’s on me, apparently!

But I am ok with that. Like I’ve posted before, I’m truly loving my time in Taiwan. My students are wonderful, and classes are getting better and better. I’m getting to know my students…and truly care about them.

I mean, come on, they’re adorable. Look at this:

My yo-yo class, Dec. 17, 2011

As good as things have been lately, I have to admit that the holiday season has fallen a little flat to me this year.

Sure, it’s Christmas, but it’s not the same as back home. In Taiwan, it’s not so much a holiday thing as a commercial thing. There’s no meaning behind the decorations and the music here.

And without much meaning, December is just another month. I did my best to spread some Christmas cheer though. I made Christmas cards, learned how to say Merry Christmas in Chinese and said it simply to amuse my students. We decorated our hostel and hung snowflakes from the ceiling and wore Santa hats. We had a lovely turkey dinner Christmas Eve, and stuffed stockings.

Christmas Eve, 2011.

I went to a Christmas Eve service with my friends, where we were welcomed with open arms and smiles. Although I couldn’t understand much, it was wonderful listening to the Christmas carols and singing along in English. It was a wonderful way to remember what the season is all about: Love.

I avoided feeling homesick, because I could have gone off the deep end that way, and focused on how incredibly lucky I am to be at this point in my life. There is not one thing I would change. I am so content with life in Taiwan.

And that’s a pretty damn cool feeling.

But this holiday season I was reminded of just how much I love my family.

Christmas 2010, Abilene.

It reminded me just how much I love spending Christmas at home, literally wrapped up in my home with those who are most important to me. It reminded me how lucky I am to have that safe haven to return to each year. It reminded me of what Christmas means to me: being with those people I love. The people I couldn’t get through life without.

And that’s what got me through this holiday season. All you guys who sent me an e-card, a text message, talked to me on Facebook?

You made my Christmas feel Christmas-y. And that is a big deal.

Thank you. And Merry Christmas. It was a good one.

A Taiwan Thanksgiving. Or, there’s no place like home.

Today is Thanksgiving, and today I am in Taiwan.

I knew it would be a hard day, partly because I’ve never really been away from my family for the holidays and partly because I was majorly sick. (The hospital was involved.)

There are a lot of things I could complain and whine about, but that’s not what today is about.

I’ve gotten through it. And I’ve made a whole new list of things I’m thankful for. So bear with me.

I’m thankful for everything I miss. All the little comforts of home: my bed (oh, I miss my bed.), my cat, my book collection. What I’ve learned this year is that there’s really no place like home. No place where I feel as comfortable or secure as there. I’m so very blessed.

But being away showed me what’s really important during the holidays, and really, every day of the year: relationships. It’s not so much the food or the music. It’s about friends. And family.

So friends and family, I just want to say: I am so thankful for all of you. I miss you so much.

I’m so thankful for my parents: You two have been wonderful. I could not have asked for a better set of parents. You have been so understanding this year and so supportive, and I don’t know if I ever can express how much your support and faith in me means to me.

I’m thankful for my sister. I’ve been so impressed by what she’s doing in the world.I miss you like crazy E, but I can’t wait to see you next year.

I’m thankful for my best friends. You know who you are, and you know I would utterly and completely lost without your sound advice and listening ears. Thank you 🙂

And again? I’m thankful for where I am today. I read my blog posts from last year and the year before. And I had to smile. That girl was so full of fire and dreams. I’m not sure I’m the same as her anymore.

Because I’m here. Last year I had no idea where I’d be for the 2011 holiday season. That both thrilled me and terrified me.

But here I am. I’m in Taipei. Of all the places in the world I imagined going, this was never it. Not in a million years did I think I’d be in Asia. And yet, I love it, right now. I’m thankful I took this chance. I’m thankful I never became complacent. I’m thankful that I never settled.

I’m thankful for the chance I’ve had to experience Asia: It’s such a wonderful place. I’m thankful I was able to confirm my belief that people, essentially, are good. (And no — they’re NOT out to “get us Americans.” I’m sick to death of that attitude.)

Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I look back on this year. I can’t believe all that’s happened. I can’t believe I’m here sometimes. I’m so thankful that my dreams culminated into this something. It’s a good feeling. Sometimes overwhelming.

But I’m so thankful. I’m so, so thankful for everything.

Now on to Christmas in Taipei…let the decorating begin!

Leaving the comfort zone.

I think it’s time for a small reflection.

I’ve been abroad for a little more than two months now, and nothing has turned out how I imagined it would. Never in a million years did I think I’d end up in Asia. And that’s ok. Because I’m teaching English in a foreign country, and that’s what I wanted.

For the most part, things have been amazing. I’m relishing the excitement and adrenaline I feel just walking down the street in Taipei. There’s always something to look at, always something new to taste or smell. Especially smell — stinky tofu is rampant here.

The night markets are without a doubt my favorite thing so far in this country. I’ve only been to a couple, but it always seems to be an experience. There is one a 2-minute walk from where I’m living, the Raohe St. Night Market, and I love wandering through it. It’s crowded and sweaty, and I constantly get jostled by the crowd, but there’s just something about it that’s addicting. I have to put pictures up next time. Also, all the people there are so friendly. I’ve made friends. Vendors smile and wave, and shout “Hello!” Ordering food is always an experience, although I’ve yet to actually act out what I want to eat. I usually just point at what I know.

Maybe I’ll get brave soon.

I also started teaching, as of October 3. It’s pretty intense, and I’m not going to lie, there have been some crappy days in there already. And getting there is an ordeal, as it’s a bus ride that takes anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour.

But there have also been some great moments in there as well.

Like when my yo-yo class (2-3 year olds) finally recognized me and spent the whole of a class hugging on me. Or playing games with my level 1 class. Hearing the kiddos say “Hi, Teacher Katie!”

There’s not a lot I can say right now, mostly because I just finished my first week.

Teaching is hard. Really hard. It’s not instinctive yet, and I’m certainly not a natural. I’m not sure what I expected, but this is definitely a challenge. A few times I’ve had to seriously talk myself out of running away. Not because I don’t like Taipei, but mostly because I’ve leaped so very far out of my comfort zone. (What happened to the girl who could barely speak in front of strangers?)

But every time I consider it I remind myself of this time a year ago: When I was so desperately unhappy that I would have taken any means of escape offered to me.

And it sort of makes me wonder how chucking this opportunity has even crossed my mind.

I know that if I gave up on teaching I wouldn’t be able to deal with going home. I can’t, and refuse to, be that person again. And this time, my resolve is so much stronger.

I don’t know what the next year of teaching will be like, but I’m ready to take on the experience. I think overall it will be good for me.