Always thankful. Always grateful.

Today is Thanksgiving, and today marks my third consecutive Thanksgiving away from home. Two years ago I was working in Lubbock. One year ago, I was in Taipei. And today? Today I am still in Taipei.

Taiwan. How did this happen? Who would have thought I would last this long? My heart is happy.

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful — more thankful than before, really.

I’m thankful for opportunities that sometimes I don’t think I deserve. But they’re in front of me nonetheless, and for that, I’m grateful.

I am thankful, as always, for my loving and supportive, kind and beautiful, funny and interesting, amazing parents and sister. I don’t know what I would have done without them this year. When I needed them, they were there, offering me advice and love, even from halfway around the world. I haven’t seen them in so long (my sister in more than a year and a half) but I think we may have a better relationship than ever.

A few years ago, my life beyond college graduation was foggy and uncertain. I had no idea what to do. I had no idea where to go or who to be. For lack of a better plan, I moved to Boston. When I came back, I still had no idea what to do, but one thing was clear: I needed to leave. I needed space to take a step back and look at my options from a clearer perspective.

And although today I still have very little idea what I’ll do when I “grow up,” I’m thankful that day by day the road gets less foggy. These days my decisions are made with a little clearer head, with a mentality that asks, “how will I feel about this in 6 months or a year?” rather than “this is best for me RIGHT NOW.” Every day I’m in Taipei it’s obvious that staying here was the right decision. (I pray that I don’t eat those words in three months, but who knows.)

And so, this year, I am thankful that I can make decisions. I am so thankful for faith. For knowing when to make the right decision. For realizing when I’m in the right place, at the right time.

I’m thankful for clarity. This year, I don’t know why, I have started the slow process of understanding how precious this life is. We’re here for so short a time, it’s important to make what we do count. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a lawyer, I’m not an award-winning scientist. However, I’m doing something these days that makes me happy. I believe I’m on a path toward something great. Something better. That thought sustains me.

I’m thankful that one year ago I took a chance and left the United States. If I had never done that, if I had stayed in the United States…oh. I can’t bear to think who I would be or what I would be like.

There have been so many days recently where I’ve walked down the street in a daze, breathing thanks, in awe of the place that I’ve landed for now. I am a blessed and lucky girl.

Overall? Overall, I’m thankful for my life: for the moments that fill my life here — both the extraordinary and the mundane. Because there are a lot of those moments these days. My life is full.

And I am so grateful for that fact.

So thank you.

What is there to say?

My weekend overview: Friday night card games, ring of death, Taiwan beer, good friends, no sleep, music, photographs, laughing until I cry, hugs, acting a fool, dancing, teaching, reading, trains, work, beach, sand, swimming, getting knocked about by waves, deep talks, horror movies, jokes, kisses, pizza, group grocery excursions, laundry, walla-walla moose, singing.

The consensus? Quite possibly the best weekend I’ve had in Taiwan. Maybe one of the best weekends I’ve had since I went abroad.

And par for the course, lately.

With just a little under three months left in this country, life has been moving forward at a breakneck pace. It has been so busy that there has been little to no time to keep up with family and friends. (Sorry about that, everyone).

But in the last two and a half months, I’ve done some awesome things.

I went to the beach three times.

Fulong 🙂

🙂

I spent far too many nights dancing until nearly dawn.

I saw LMFAO in concert.

Party rockin’.

I visited the Taipei Zoo.

Wo ai elephants.

I said goodbye to one of my favorite yo-yo babies.

My “monkey,” Stanley.

Silly face.

All in all, the last two months have been nothing short of amazing. I nearly lost it every single day in May, what with having to practice with my kindy class for a Mother’s Day performance. But I got past it, and more importantly, my kiddos rocked it.

I can’t quite believe that June, my birthday month, is HERE. My departure date (August 28) is rapidly approaching. Quite honestly, my heart is hurting at the thought of leaving.

I work a lot. I get frustrated about that, and a lot of the time it puts me in a bad mood because I’m so tired. But my days are full. They are full of laughter, hugs, friends, new sights, joy, wonder. I didn’t have that at my job in the States. I plodded through each day, always looking ahead to when I would be finished and on my way to something new.

I’m not doing that now. I’m happy here — more than happy most days. I have so many moments of “I live here. I live here.” Rather than urging the days to pass by, I’m holding on tightly, hoping they quit slipping by so quickly. I’m making memories, letting go and living more fully.

Leaving will be hard, and it will hurt. It will hurt a lot. There’s things I don’t want to give up yet.

But once again, I will be starting a new adventure: Backpacking. I don’t know where my friend and I are going yet, I don’t know where we will end up. But it will be a grand adventure, and I look forward to it.

I still have two months and 25 days left. And there’s so much I have to look forward to: bungee jumping, my birthday, trips to the South, my best friend visiting. It will be a busy time, and I’m ready to welcome it with everything that I have. If this weekend is any indication, this summer will be the best yet.

I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. That’s all I wanted out of this experience.

“What’s wrong with you guys today?” “We’re just happy, Teacher Katie!”

I did some math today: I figured out how many weeks I’ve spent abroad so far.

The answer? 30.

I’ve been abroad for 30 consecutive weeks. That number astounds me. That’s more than half a year — and the longest I’ve ever been away from home. On the one hand, it feels as though just yesterday I flew out of Texas, across the Atlantic and landed myself in fairy-tale Prague. Just yesterday that I said goodbye to my friends and family.

But on the other hand? On the other hand so much has happened in those 30 weeks. Things that have changed me, stretched me, hurt me, scared me, taught me, and most importantly, things that have made me truly, unbelievably, simply happy. Things that have shown me how important it is to take a chance, or, in Lily Aldrin’s words, to take the leap.

I’ve spent those 30 weeks dancing in multiple clubs, hiking mountains, riding bikes, watching movies, teaching and getting to know some amazing, wonderful kids, exploring night markets and generally trying most foods Taiwan has to offer. I’ve even become a fan of stinky tofu. I’ve been immersed in foreign languages and a new culture, learned how to carry myself in a way that suggests I know what I’m doing and been stared and pointed at like a freak in a circus. I’ve had good days, great days and horrible days, and gotten through them all.

And tomorrow? I leave for a visit in Texas:  hot, blustery, windy, friendly, stubborn, wonderful, dry Texas. My HOME.

To say I’m excited would be an understatement.

I can’t believe it’s already time for me to go home. When I left in August I genuinely had no idea when I’d be back in Texas. I told myself at most I’d be gone two months: That if Prague and teaching didn’t pan out how I wanted I could always come home.

I’m laughing at myself now: I was so terrified at the thought of leaving home that I could barely sleep at night last summer. If only I knew…if only I knew how wonderfully it was going to turn out. Luckily, the adventure isn’t over just yet. I hope I’m living up to all that potential I wrote about. I’m trying — that I know for sure.

Good ol' Midland.

Home 🙂

I want to see my parents, stuff myself silly with Mexican food and my mom’s cooking (and Goldfish), snuggle with my cat, and see my friends. I want to see my grandparents, and tell them just how much I missed them.

I want to drive my car down the highway, windows down, country music blasting, with the hot air rushing in. I want to be able to read signs and ask questions without struggling to communicate. I want a break from feeling like a giant with blond, curly hair.

I can’t wait. I wonder what will be different and what will be the same. I wonder how much I will have changed.

It feels good to leave Taipei for a few weeks the way I am: on a high note. Yes, I’m thrilled to go home, but also, I’m not aching with homesickness. If anything, I’ve grown so comfortable and fallen so hard for Taipei that I think I could stick it out longer: a few more weeks, months — who knows?

The point is: I’m excited to go home. But I’ll also be excited to get back to lovely Taipei. I’ll miss the food: the chung yo bing, the dan bing, the teas, the fresh fruits, the veggies the dumplings, noodles, tofu and more. I’ll miss not knowing what I’m eating 95% percent of the time.

I want to come back to a place that challenges me, thrills me, charms me, scares me (sometimes), irritates me and most definitely never bores me. I’ll miss the adventure.

Taipei: Why can't you be this pretty ALL the time??

I said goodbye to my favorite class yesterday: my level 6 class. I won’t teach them for three Saturdays in a row, and that genuinely makes me sad. I love them. Wednesday was particularly fun. They were crazy, crazy, crazy. I asked them, “What’s wrong with you guys today?” They all burst out laughing as though I’d said the funniest thing in the world, then one kid said, “We’re just happy today, Teacher Katie!”

As am I. Well said, Isan. I couldn’t very well get mad at them for being crazy then, could I? 🙂 I gave it up and we had a crazy day. And I wouldn’t give that up for anything.

We took pictures at the end of class, and those photos just make my heart smile. They’re all grabbing at me and laughing and having fun. It’s a good memory. A few of the girls wrote me notes that they would miss me — gold, right there. I love it.

I adore these kids.

When I left they kept telling me, “Teacher, I’ll miss you!” That made me feel so happy.

It’s like when I walk into my yo-yo class every day: Those frustrating and amazing babies start yelling “Teacher Katie! Teacher Katie!” over and over, at the top of their lungs. Then it’s a race over to get big hugs from me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nearly been knocked over because toddlers are hugging me around the legs. And yelling my name. And hitting my butt. Or trying to tickle me. And jostling for high-fives. And even, at times, saying “I love you, Teacher Katie!”

It’s the best feeling in the world, that. It makes me feel like I’ve done something good, like I’ve done something that makes me mean something to those kids. I don’t want them to forget me — and I know I’ll never forget them.

And I hope I do mean something to them — because at this point, all my students mean so much to me.

So what’s wrong with me today? I’m just happy. Life is good, and I’m going to see my family soon. I can’t wait.

Taipei: Get low.

I’ve written so much lately about how wonderful Taipei is.

But I’ve always known there inevitably are, and will be, lows in my life here, also.

 And today is one of those days.

Today is one of those days where I wonder what I’m doing in Taiwan. Why the hell am I here?

It’s overwhelming a lot of the time. I broke down on the phone with my mom yesterday, because no matter how much I love this place, it’s completely overwhelming.

It’s overwhelming being the minority. Don’t get me wrong — I love it. But come on.

It’s overwhelming not knowing a language. It’s hard not being able to read any signs around the city or understand little to nothing of the announcements on public transportation.

It’s rough hearing my name tossed in and around conversations and knowing I’m being talked about right in front of me but not knowing what’s being said.

It’s hard trying to connect with kids who speak a completely different language than my own — and are still learning their own.

It sucks feeling as though sometimes I’m still not doing enough with my life — that even though I’m here and I’m living and working abroad, I’m still lagging behind people. It’s not a fun feeling — one I despise.

Sometimes I hate the fact I have literally no personal space: There’s no space when I’m commuting, there’s no space when I’m working, there’s no space at my home. I used to be a person who didn’t like to hug. And now? Now I’m pretty much OK with being squashed up against a perfect stranger during a ride on the MRT. And I let my kindy kiddos cuddle me like there’s no tomorrow.

Sometimes I hate the feeling of being constantly stared at. Sometimes I just want to BLEND IN. And I can’t do that here. It’s not possible.

I love my students, and I love teaching, but today was a day where enough was enough. I can’t handle many days like today. I can’t handle constantly being made to feel like the foreigner in the room — which I know isn’t fair, because  I am the foreigner in the room.

I guess I better get used to it.

Let me just say: I love my students, I love my life here. I love my friends. I love my living situation. I love this city. I love learning from anything and everything around me.

But I would have given my left arm to be in my old life for a day today.

That’s just me being honest. Fair’s fair.

Six months in, and it’s still sweet.

I left home six months ago today.

I remember that day: hugging my mom and sister goodbye repeatedly, craning my neck to get my last glimpse of my hometown for who knows how long. Struggling not to cry on the way to Dallas because I really didn’t want my dad to see. I remember not being able to sleep that night, kept awake by nerves and honestly, terror. I had no idea what to expect, or what would happen. If I only I knew then just how good it would be.

And then the next day, August 5, I hugged my dad for a long time, swallowed my reservations and fears as best I could and hopped on a plane out of the country for the first time. Destination: Prague.

And thus my life changed for the better.

When I started planning to take this TEFL course back in June 2010, I could never have predicted it would have unfolded the way it has. I was naively ready to stay in Prague and go from there.

Funny how things work out, really.

And yet, like I said in my New Year’s Eve post, I wouldn’t change one single thing. I’ve fallen hard for Asia, with all its quirks and craziness and loveliness and crowds and smells.

The last six months have been a beautiful, messy, crazy, exhilarating whirlwind: new sights, new sounds, new tastes, new smells, new people, new experiences, and most importantly, new friends.

There have been days when I couldn’t stop crying from homesickness. There have been days where teaching was awful and I wondered what I’d signed up for. There have been days where all I wanted was to catch the next flight out of Taipei and go back home to everything familiar.  And my cat.

But then I walk into my classes to shouts of “Hi, Teacher Katie!” Or I nearly get bowled over by my yo-yo kiddos when I walk in the room. Or I sample something simultaneously questionable and absolutely delicious at the night market. And then I see the mountains from my daily commute. Those beautiful mountains.

So the good days? Hands down, they have outweighed the bad. No question about it. When it’s good, it’s good.

Being abroad for six months is a major milestone for me. I’ve never been away from home this long, and part of me, after my Boston debacle, wanted simply to prove that I could do it–that I could leave home and settle somewhere else in this world other than Texas.

I also wanted something else: peace. When I was working in Lubbock, I just felt so unsettled. I knew, deep down, that for me, I wasn’t doing enough. Work was a challenge at times, but life outside of work? Same old, same old.

That’s why I did TEFL. I guess I was looking for something different. I knew I wanted to travel and I knew I wanted to live in a foreign country.  I’m not sure if what I’ve found in Taipei is peace, but it’s definitely something. It’s a challenge, every single day — both my work life and my life outside of work.

What I wanted most was to feel as though I was actually living, actually doing something good and semi-interesting with my life, instead of signing up for a lifetime of the 9-5.

I got that.

So I’ve reached  my six month marker.  It hasn’t been perfect and it definitely hasn’t been what I expected.

But I got everything I wanted so far and my heart is light right now.

So people, just let go and live a little, already. You’ll be amply rewarded for it.

Do something unexpected.

A week to remember. Happy Chinese New Year!

The past week has left a constant refrain on my mind.

“Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Thank you that, after a year of dreaming and researching and wishing and hoping, I was able to experience this.

Painting my lantern 🙂

And see all of this.

Thank you that I live so close to this — in such a gorgeous, amazing, confusing country.

I’m not sure who I’m thanking constantly. But I just am so very, very grateful right now.

Last week was Chinese New Year. I didn’t have work, and I wasn’t sure what I would do. I wanted to play tourist in Taipei though — and did I ever.

Words don’t do my experience justice — there’s no way to describe it. But here’s a few things:

I scootered around the mountains. I drank tea at the top of a mountain overlooking Taipei. I met some amazing new people. I went to a magnificent, beautiful lantern festival. I got hand-picked out of a crowd of hundreds with my friends to participate in the release. I experienced new, delicious foods. I went to the ocean.

It was beyond amazing — the entire week. I love this country. I love this time in my life.

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful…something.

“Since I’ve been here I’ve realized that while moving to a city was definitely one of my dreams it can’t possibly be a dream come true. Boston will change me. I know I’ll grow here and I’m excited, so incredibly excited, to experience new things, meet new people and see new places. But it’s time to figure out my next big dream and go for it as determinedly as I did moving to Boston.”

I wrote that two years ago — exactly two weeks after my big move to Boston.

It’s funny thinking of how far I’ve come since then. I think I’ve done so much maturing — I’ve calmed down. I’ve stopped analyzing every little thing, and learned, for the most part, to just breathe in the moment. To let things happen and realize there’s not always a perfect reason for why things unfold the way they do.

And life has definitely unfolded for me.

It’s not so much that monumental things happen daily in Taipei. The very opposite, in fact. I sleep, go to work, come home, spend time with friends.

It’s more that I feel really good about what I’m doing. I feel good when I’m teaching and laughing with my students; I feel good when I’m commuting and watching the city go by; I feel good when I’m with my friends.

Everything is good, and I don’t want to go anywhere else anytime soon.

Pinglin, Taiwan

Goofing around in Pinglin. I really am still hoping those statues aren't sacred.

I’ve been trying to do more lately other than work. And it’s been fun. There’s been dancing, day trips and lots of walks to the market. There was even a scooter trip thrown in. The past few weekends have been filled to the brim with activities, and each one has given me memories I want to lock in my head and never let go.

Pinglin.

I wrote two years ago that Boston would change me. I had a feeling, and I was right. Boston did change me, and it taught me numerous invaluable lessons, not without a lot of pain along the way.

I have a feeling about Taiwan. This is going to be even better, I can feel it. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but the past four months have shown me this much.

It’s going to be good, so good.

Christmas in Taiwan.

If you had told me a year ago I’d be spending Christmas 2011 in Asia, I might have laughed in your face. My plan was completely different: I’d be in Prague for the holidays, wander around the Christmas markets at night, and ring in the new year somewhere in Europe.

Joke’s on me, apparently!

But I am ok with that. Like I’ve posted before, I’m truly loving my time in Taiwan. My students are wonderful, and classes are getting better and better. I’m getting to know my students…and truly care about them.

I mean, come on, they’re adorable. Look at this:

My yo-yo class, Dec. 17, 2011

As good as things have been lately, I have to admit that the holiday season has fallen a little flat to me this year.

Sure, it’s Christmas, but it’s not the same as back home. In Taiwan, it’s not so much a holiday thing as a commercial thing. There’s no meaning behind the decorations and the music here.

And without much meaning, December is just another month. I did my best to spread some Christmas cheer though. I made Christmas cards, learned how to say Merry Christmas in Chinese and said it simply to amuse my students. We decorated our hostel and hung snowflakes from the ceiling and wore Santa hats. We had a lovely turkey dinner Christmas Eve, and stuffed stockings.

Christmas Eve, 2011.

I went to a Christmas Eve service with my friends, where we were welcomed with open arms and smiles. Although I couldn’t understand much, it was wonderful listening to the Christmas carols and singing along in English. It was a wonderful way to remember what the season is all about: Love.

I avoided feeling homesick, because I could have gone off the deep end that way, and focused on how incredibly lucky I am to be at this point in my life. There is not one thing I would change. I am so content with life in Taiwan.

And that’s a pretty damn cool feeling.

But this holiday season I was reminded of just how much I love my family.

Christmas 2010, Abilene.

It reminded me just how much I love spending Christmas at home, literally wrapped up in my home with those who are most important to me. It reminded me how lucky I am to have that safe haven to return to each year. It reminded me of what Christmas means to me: being with those people I love. The people I couldn’t get through life without.

And that’s what got me through this holiday season. All you guys who sent me an e-card, a text message, talked to me on Facebook?

You made my Christmas feel Christmas-y. And that is a big deal.

Thank you. And Merry Christmas. It was a good one.

A Taiwan Thanksgiving. Or, there’s no place like home.

Today is Thanksgiving, and today I am in Taiwan.

I knew it would be a hard day, partly because I’ve never really been away from my family for the holidays and partly because I was majorly sick. (The hospital was involved.)

There are a lot of things I could complain and whine about, but that’s not what today is about.

I’ve gotten through it. And I’ve made a whole new list of things I’m thankful for. So bear with me.

I’m thankful for everything I miss. All the little comforts of home: my bed (oh, I miss my bed.), my cat, my book collection. What I’ve learned this year is that there’s really no place like home. No place where I feel as comfortable or secure as there. I’m so very blessed.

But being away showed me what’s really important during the holidays, and really, every day of the year: relationships. It’s not so much the food or the music. It’s about friends. And family.

So friends and family, I just want to say: I am so thankful for all of you. I miss you so much.

I’m so thankful for my parents: You two have been wonderful. I could not have asked for a better set of parents. You have been so understanding this year and so supportive, and I don’t know if I ever can express how much your support and faith in me means to me.

I’m thankful for my sister. I’ve been so impressed by what she’s doing in the world.I miss you like crazy E, but I can’t wait to see you next year.

I’m thankful for my best friends. You know who you are, and you know I would utterly and completely lost without your sound advice and listening ears. Thank you 🙂

And again? I’m thankful for where I am today. I read my blog posts from last year and the year before. And I had to smile. That girl was so full of fire and dreams. I’m not sure I’m the same as her anymore.

Because I’m here. Last year I had no idea where I’d be for the 2011 holiday season. That both thrilled me and terrified me.

But here I am. I’m in Taipei. Of all the places in the world I imagined going, this was never it. Not in a million years did I think I’d be in Asia. And yet, I love it, right now. I’m thankful I took this chance. I’m thankful I never became complacent. I’m thankful that I never settled.

I’m thankful for the chance I’ve had to experience Asia: It’s such a wonderful place. I’m thankful I was able to confirm my belief that people, essentially, are good. (And no — they’re NOT out to “get us Americans.” I’m sick to death of that attitude.)

Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I look back on this year. I can’t believe all that’s happened. I can’t believe I’m here sometimes. I’m so thankful that my dreams culminated into this something. It’s a good feeling. Sometimes overwhelming.

But I’m so thankful. I’m so, so thankful for everything.

Now on to Christmas in Taipei…let the decorating begin!

We are not the center of the universe.

All right. Time for a rant.

I’ve been abroad for three months now. And it has been, hands down, the most humbling experience of my life thus far.

The no. 1 reason for this? Because of how eager most people in Taiwan are to learn English. To read English. Or simply to communicate with me, whether it be through one-word sentences or gestures.

Here, there’s no attitude of “White girl, you don’t speak Chinese. Get out of here.” No one has ever treated me that way. All they want is a smile and some friendliness. If anyone treated me that way, I’d be completely screwed.

A smile can take you so far in life. So very far. My dad was right.

And yet, back home, (I’ve seen it a lot in Texas, much as I hate to admit it) there are pictures like this floating around:

Really, people? Really?

Is this really how you want to portray our country?

People see this. People around the world see this.

And it’s embarrassing.

It’s shameful.

And it’s not improving the world’s opinion of Americans…believe me.

I have met so many wonderful, amazing people in my time abroad: People who, while maybe they didn’t speak English perfectly, can communicate. And they made it clear they wanted to learn more.

Yet there I was, unable to speak a word of their language. And sitting there, a foreigner, listening to them talk about how much they wanted to learn English, all I felt was shame.

Shame for the attitudes that abound in my country. Shame for the people who feel that way toward others. Shame for people who are so narrow-minded as to look down on those who don’t speak their language.

But mostly, shame that some people can be so inconvenienced at having to push a button.

The world is filled with so many good people. So many decent people. And it’s a damn shame that some of you out there are so unwilling to realize this.

You’re missing out. You’re missing out on learning a new worldview. You’re missing out on the privilege of observing another culture, and learning how other people live their lives. You’re missing out on knowing some really, really interesting people.

Trust me: They have stories to share. You should listen. Just listen.

America used to pride itself on being a “melting pot” of cultures: A mix of different races, ethnicities and nationalities all blended to become one distinct, functioning community. A society built upon different lifestyles, languages and beliefs.

If America is a blend of different nationalities, why should anyone expect English to be the primary language? Shouldn’t it be some of everything?

What happened to that attitude? That was a good attitude.

The world is not just the United States. The United States is not the center of the universe.

It’s time some of you out there learned that.